Sunday, 10 May 2015

Natalie Portman's hair

Despite freezing my head during all six sessions of chemo, in the end, I lost most of my hair. What I did keep needed to be chopped off because I looked like something from a horror film. Bad times.

But since chemo stopped it's been left in peace to grow. And it has! Phew. And now, on 27th May, I am booked in for my first post-cancer and post-chemo hair cut.

To be honest, I'm feeling a bit stressed about it although it desperately needs to be done. I took these photos a couple of weeks ago. I tried to make it as best as possible. I even smiled in one photo! But I'm really not happy. I don't want short hair and I don't want to look like a boy.

Since then it's grown a little bit more - and there are another 17 days to go until the chop. So I've been looking at photos at very short hair and pixie cuts on girls online.

I have decided I've fallen in love with Natalie Portman.

In 2005, for the film V for Vendetta (which I have not watched because it sounds mean and scary) Natalie had her head shaved. Full on buzz cut. Here it is! I expect that this act has made her (or her hair, at least) an object of obsession for many a chemo-girl around the world since.

The thing about Natalie Portman of course is, she's absolutely stunning. And it turns out she has a nicely shaped head. (One of the reasons I knew I couldn't EVER go out as a baldy and why I stuck with the cold cap is because I know I have a wonky head.)

Anyway, back to the point. She had her head shaved! Which means chemo-ravaged women like me get to search the internet for photos of what happened next with her hair.

First it was fuzzy. Because she is Natalie Portman though, she still looks beautiful. (Also, of course - she didn't lose eyelashes and eyebrows to chemo - always helps with the whole "not looking like a cancer patient" thing.)

Then came some very cute pixie cuts... (I don't actually know if I have these in the right order - it's just my best guess)

Ooh looky - it's getting longer here......
And then.... I can't find any more. She suddenly seems to have long hair again. So I guess she didn't bother with the awkward in-between stage and got hair extensions instead? Good for her. So might I.
Although if anyone finds any pictures that show otherwise I'd love to see them!
So, I'm going to print these off, take them with me to the hairdressers on the 27th, and demand they give me whichever Natalie Portman haircut they can manage with what I've got. And then if it doesn't stress me out too much, I might ditch the wig and go out in public with my actual hair from now on. I honestly don't know yet which is going to be worse, but I really am sick to death of the effing wig.
So now I am going to start shopping for lots of pretty headbands and slides as part of my efforts to look more Pixie and less Boy.


  1. Hi Sarah

    I just wanted to say big thank you for your blog. I've been reading it regularly over the last six months. It helped me put my mind at rest seeing how well you were dealing with all the treatments, with I was about to experience myself.

    I've been diagnosed with breast cancer in November last year at the age of 33. I've done 6 rounds of chemo and had bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction five weeks ago. Im due to start radiotherapy in next couple of weeks, but hopefully once it's done I can start living my life again.

    Thank you for your honest writing and not sugar coating all the nasty things involved in cancer treatment. It helped me to keep my sprit up and keep fighting whenever I was ready to give up and most importantly it allowed me to maintain my sanity.

    Big hugs
    Anna x

    1. Hi Anna,
      Thank you so much - this comment has made my day! You've definitely got through the worst now. Rads are a walk in the park, especially after the ordeal that is chemo! Good luck with the last bit of treatment and getting your life back - it feels great!
      Lots of love xox