I'm not sure if it's because yesterday I got the appointment letter for the chemo info session that I need to go to tomorrow, or because I had a day off the booze, but I could not sleep last night. I'm well tired. Scuse any typos.
Anyway, yeahhhhhh some anxiety is definitely kicking in. I've been dropping references to a selection of deliciously attractive potential side effects of chemotherapy in to my blog posts (and pretty much every conversation I have with anyone these days). Although for the record, it's really been a "prepare for the worst, hope for the best" kind of attitude on my part. One of the nurses told me it's all in the mind, and that with my positive attitude and strength (!) I will be fine. I'll lose my hair (unless I get lucky with the head freezer) and I might throw up, but they can give me hardcore anti-sickness medication, and hardcore anti-pretty-much-every-other-possible-side-effect medication too. All I need are some excellent Microsoft Excel and PRINCE2 project management skills to keep on top of which drugs I should be taking and when. And I have those skills!
I've been believing in the power of my mind to successfully instruct my body to succumb to as few side effects as possible, and also reminding myself of the superwomen I've met who have been through this already and mostly been ok throughout. Kick ass. But.... Right now I can't help it. Knowing chemo is imminent is making me anxious and I can't find my fucking Rescue Remedy.
So this is a cry for help! I've made it this far in pretty much one piece by knowing what works for me. When I'm anxious I need distractions, and they need to be funny. Some of you have been naturally brilliant in this respect. You know who you are! (Yes! You, you, you, and especially You! By the way, thanks! Oh wait... No, sorry I didn't mean you.... I meant... Oh never mind!)
I hate anxiety! I want to blast it as much as I want to blast the cancer. Friends, send me stuff that will make me laugh please! Don't all rush at once right now and then tick this off your to do list and forget about it though, a sustained effort would be most helpful. (Maybe I need to put those outstanding project management skills to good use now and do a project plan along the lines of: those whose surnames begin with the letters A-D send me something funny today, E-H tomorrow, I-L on Tuesday and so on...)
And when I say funny, I mean accidentally-snort-and-choke-on-my-tea funny. Like this (and I insist you read it right now!), which is my favourite ever.... book review. (But PLEASE! You probably weren't, but just in case you were about to be extremely kind, don't buy me the book. Because, I'm not joking, I've just ordered it for myself.)
Rude stuff, silly stuff, weird stuff - all eagerly welcomed. Please, distract me with some humour. It really helps. It really does.